Powerful and Proud

Have you ever found yourself in a situation when you were at the beach or at the pool minding your own business, reading a good book and enjoying a few minutes to yourself in that cute little bikini you've been dying to wear as soon as you bought it because you looked great when you tried it. All of a sudden, you see some perv staring at you in a creepy way obviously ogling at you and then from a happy summery afternoon, you feel super violated and feel you want to cover up for the rest of your life? Then you start blaming yourself and when you tell others about it, rather than get support, people would further on blame you saying "naka bikini ka naman kasi e" (Uhmm, you were at the pool. What are you supposed to be wearing? A ski outfit?)

Something similar happened to my friend a few days back, while she was out by the pool in one of her trips. She initially posted the creepy encounter in her Instagram stories but thought of making it a post that would not be removed after 24 hours. Here it is below:

Half naked, yet still not asking for it 💕💪🏾 __ Figured that this post should be up on my feed where it wont’t disappear. Coincidentally, March is also International Women’s Month. So if you missed my IG stories yesterday, let me fill you in. __ I was at the pool by myself at the hotel I’m staying at here in Jakarta, when this creep stepped out of his room. Walked up to the edge of the pool and unashamedly ogled at me. He was sitting there for I don’t know how long before I took notice. When he realized that my attention was on him, he transferred and hid behind the bushes, and continued to watch me, like a complete and utter perv. __ I could let this go. Like how all of us girls are told to do so. Making excuses for when men behave disgustingly at our expense. “He just looked at you, it was nothing. You should be flattered”, “People get catcalled all the time, it’s normal.”, “Some people have had it worse, you are overreacting.” and the most glorious one of them all “That’s just how men are. Accept it.” To all of this I indignantly say — HELL. NO. __ So, like a true millennial hehe I stuck a camera up his face and took his photos until he retreated his disgusting self back into his room. Sent his face over to the hotel manager. Reported, and now posting everywhere. Why am I so rilled up over this? Why haven’t I stopped talking about it? Because I am sick of it, and the only way that we can even begin put a stop to this is to be brave, call it out and speak. I refuse to stay a victim. For all the days of my life I will fight. I will shame. I will call out disgusting behavior. Not just for myself but for all the women who have to go through this on a daily basis. It is NEVER okay, and IT IS A BIG DEAL. __ Fully clothed or fully naked. If we’re not asking for it, WE’RE NOT ASKING FOR IT! Plain and simple. __ #InternationalWomensMonth

A post shared by Kayleen Ortiz (@kayleenortiz) on Mar 2, 2018 at 3:29pm PST

I give one million applauses to Kayleen for taking action against the creep by reporting him to the hotel manager as well as to speak up about it where she can be heard. Instead of cowering in shame and fear, here she is speaking out loud, calling out disgusting behavior for all women out there in a bikini, not asking for it but being the strong woman that she is and looking awesome while at it. This girl is physically strong because she can do 100 pushups, look graceful in lifting herself as well as a fully-grown adult, and teach a number of pole classes and still not die. By speaking up and not taking any crap, she is also strong deep inside, and encourages strength in and out of the gym situation. She handled it with so much class too!

This shaming and victim-blaming isn't just the amount fabric cover our skin. It can be our life choices, the sport we choose, the way we wear our hair, the amount of makeup we have on our face, even the food we eat! Heck even speaking our mind gets us in trouble! I've heard these lines so many times spoken by gosh, so many people to so many girls in a whole lot of variables.

"Makibagay ka dahil babae ka."
"Di ka ba pinapagalitan sa pagpopole dancing mo?"
"I like your top kaso I'm too fat/my boyfriend won't let me wear that"
"Straighten your hair, you look like a cheap girl"
"I want to color my hair blue but my boyfriend won't let me."
"Why can't you dress like *insert It Girl's name here*? She dresses like a proper lady."

If 2004 me would cower in polos and jeans and spend thousands on rebonding and be that cookie-cutter kind of girl to please others,  covering up and feeling ashamed whenever I'm sunning out in a two-piece, I don't think my inner and true self would be happy. I am not It Girl in crisp white t-shirts, dark shoulder length hair in a ponytail, and ballet flats or black pumps. That would be trying to be someone you are not. We see what that could lead to, right? This 2018 self would say f*ck it, do what makes you happy (as long as you are not committing a crime. hihi).

Also a bikini not because I am asking for it, because I am having a wonderful time in the beach.
And I do not want bad tan lines and I am not afraid of the sun. 

If we just shut up, cover up, grin and bear it and accept the shame the disgusting practice will not stop. More boys will catcall and ogle because of the "boys will be boys mentality". Women will get abused by horrible partners because of the "babae ka. asawa ka. tiisin mo kasi wala ka na makukuhang iba" mentality.

I echo that the we must be brave, and not think twice to call out and speak. We must not be a victim. No matter what we wear or not wear - if we are not asking for it, we are definitely not asking for it.

Want to dye your hair pink because you've always wanted to? Go!
Want to take pole dancing or heels class because you want a fun workout that does not feel like a workout? Go and sign up for a class, and no, it is not to entice anyone when you post a video. You post a video because you did the class!
Do a full brazilian wax because why not? Yes!
Wear your hot pants in this hot tropical country that it's summer? Many girls will do so to!
Speak up to that lady forcing you to get married because you are already in your 30's and your eggs are ageing? You are the boss of your own body! Go!

Miss Socialite is Miss Socialite. You are you. Not her. No need to copy her clothes or hairstyle if it's not your style. Even if you have the same features. You do not have the same taste or personality.

Feed your heart. Do what makes you comfortable and happy. Be brave. Be strong. Life is too short to be a shadow of who you once were or live in what-if's. Be powerful and for every step forward you do, be proud about it.

Powerful and Proud. Not only is it in the number of push-ups we do or how long can we survive a plank challenge, but how brave we are to stand up for ourselves and encourage every other woman to do the same.

We can do it. I'm with you.